{"id":96,"date":"2015-09-30T10:42:18","date_gmt":"2015-09-30T17:42:18","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/mathieucailler.com\/?page_id=96"},"modified":"2026-07-17T10:28:08","modified_gmt":"2026-07-17T17:28:08","slug":"writings","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/mathieucailler.com\/staging\/7173\/writings\/","title":{"rendered":"Writings"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Award-Winning Books<\/h1>\n\n\n\n
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Forest for the Trees & Other Stories<\/h5>\n\n\n\n

Published in 2023 and Winner at the Paris Book Festival (formerly known as the Salon du Livre<\/em>), Forest for the Trees & Other Stories<\/em> delivers a diverse collection of fifteen short stories that perfectly captures characters steeped in their own troubles. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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\"Heaven<\/a><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n
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Heaven and Other Zip Codes<\/h5>\n\n\n\n

Published in 2020, Mathieu Cailler’s debut novel Heaven and Other Zip Codes follows the complicated relationships between lonely, thirty-something-year-old mother Searcy, her awkward preadolescent son Theo, cheating husband and disingenuous stepfather Hoit, and young, attractive, painter-turned-after-school-tutor Emerson.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Catacombs of the Heart<\/h5>\n\n\n\n

Published in 2019, Mathieu Cailler’s poetry takes a soulful look at the human experience in both micro and macro form, exploring second chances, consanguinity, technology, death, and the overall din of daily life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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\"May<\/a><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n
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May I Have This Dance<\/h5>\n\n\n\n

Published in 2017, Mathieu Cailler’s poetry tugs at the heart strings by taking an introspective look at the human condition in terms of love, loss, joy, and sorrow. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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\"Loss<\/a><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n
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Loss Angeles<\/h5>\n\n\n\n

Published in 2015, Mathieu Cailler’s debut collection of short stories, weaves tales which bring to life the deeply-human experience with loss and its range of outcomes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Additional Titles<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
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\"Hi,<\/a><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n
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Hi, I’m Night<\/h5>\n\n\n\n

Published in 2020, Hi, I’m Night<\/em> is a modern-day myth written from the perspective of a wise woman named Night. Night time can be scary for children, and this book explains that night is restorative, tranquil, and nothing to fear\u2014a perfect bedtime story.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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\"The<\/a><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n
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The (Underappreciated) Life of Humphrey of Hawley<\/h5>\n\n\n\n

Published in 2018, “Humphrey” is about a beetle who wants to be a ladybug because he sees the way ladybugs are loved by humans; however, after time spent pretending to be something he’s not, he learns to love his world and, more importantly, himself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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\"Clothelines<\/a><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n
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CLOTHESLINES<\/h5>\n\n\n\n

Minneapolis, MN: Red Bird Press, 2014
(Print)<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

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New York, NY: ELJ Publications, 2014
(Print)<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

Prose and Poetry<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

2026<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

“Socratic Method.” The South Carolina Review<\/em>. 10 June 2026.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Known for Its Adaptability, the Coyote Joins the Human Race.” South Dakota Review<\/em>. 2 February 2026.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“I Found a Bag of Time.” Fictive Dream<\/em>. 19 January 2026.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2025<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

“Work of Art.” The Best of Stanchion<\/em>. 11 December 2025.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“The Man Never Found His True Love.” Driftwood Anthology, 2026<\/em>. 9 December 2025.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“It Was the First Day of Fall When the Sumo Left the Dohyo.” Flash the Court<\/em>. 19 September 2025.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Horology.” Cloudbank<\/em>. 3 July 2025.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“The Polar Bear Escaped from the San Diego Zoo.” The Columbia Review<\/em>. 12 June 2025.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“The Boy in the Bottle.” Catamaran<\/em>. 6 June 2025.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“My Evening with Marilyn.”  -ette review<\/em>. 9 May 2025 .<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Four of a Kind.” -ette review<\/em>. 9 May 2025.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Out of This World.” Does It Have Pockets<\/em>. 1 May 2025.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“The Cheetah.” Does It Have Pockets<\/em>. 1 May 2025.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure <\/em>Didn’t Spark Joy.” Does It Have Pockets<\/em>. 1 May 2025.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Metamorphosis.” Past Ten<\/em>. 21 March 2025<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“After <\/em>Wyatt Was Promoted to Manager at Best Buy.” Northern Grit<\/em>. 10 March 2025.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Metamorphosis.” Wireworm<\/em>. 14 February 2025.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Long Distance.” Flash Boulevard<\/em>. 8 February 2025.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“A Week After I Die.” 10 By 10<\/em>. 30 January 2025.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“My Purpose Was Trapped in the Basement.” Outside the Box<\/em>. 26 January 2025.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Evergreen.” Cultural Daily<\/em>. 21 January 2025.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Los Angeles.” Cultural Daily<\/em>. 21 January 2025.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Sanguine.” Poem Alone<\/em>. 20 January 2025.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Death of James Dean.” Sacramento Literary Review<\/em>. 6 January 2025.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Sweet Potato.” Mythic Picnic<\/em>. 1 January 2025.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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2024<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

“Tree Poem.” Green Ink<\/em>. 30 December 2024.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“The Sailor with the Mermaid Tattoo.” Scaffold<\/em>. 22 December 2024.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“After the Last Human Died.” Dewdrop. <\/em>22 December 2024.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Tumbleweed.” Hobart<\/em>. 9 December 2024.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“The Canadian Goose Exhumed the Man’s Body at 4 a.m.” Ghost Parachute. <\/em>30 November 2024.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Off the Grid.” Ex-Puritan<\/em>. 25 November 2024<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Vanishing Point.” The Hooghly Review. <\/em>24 November 2024.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“After the Ghost of Relationships Past Told the Truth.” The Hooghly Review. <\/em>24 November 2024. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

“The Astronaut Missed the Moon.” The Hooghly Review. <\/em>24 November 2024.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Hearts.” Coolest American Stories 2025. <\/em>21 November 2024.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“The Boy Begged the Monarch Butterflies to Take Him with Them.” The Woolf<\/em>. 10 November 2024.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“A Reminder.” Poems for Tomorrow<\/em>. 30 October 2024.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Routine.” Poems for Tomorrow<\/em>. 30 October 2024. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Treatment.” Poems for Tomorrow<\/em>. 30 October 2024.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Little Prizes.” Poems for Tomorrow<\/em>. 30 October 2024.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“During a Nor’easter.” Stanchion<\/em>. 10 October 2024.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Work of Art.” Stanchion<\/em>. 10 October 2024.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Ode to the One Who Tamed the Mollusk.” 24 September 2024.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Rent the Moon.” Poetose<\/em>. 9 September 2024.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Alight, Please, Butterfly.” Mobile Data Mag<\/em>. 25 March 2024.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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2023<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

“This Wouldn’t Fit on the Bumper Sticker.” Wigleaf<\/em>. 15 Jan 2023<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Old Friend.” Wiglea<\/em>f. 15 Jan 2023.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“After You Told Me You Loved Me.” Wigleaf<\/em>. 15 Jan 2023.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“The Day After the War Started.” LISP. <\/em>10 Feb 2023.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Burned Tongue.” HOOT<\/em>. 1 March 2023.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Don’t Wait for Saturday.” The Ilanot Review<\/em>. 7 May 2023.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Gestation.” Hidden Peak Press<\/em>. 8 May 2023.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Anniversary.” Hidden Peak Press<\/em>. 12 May 2023.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“The Morning You Die.” Hidden Peak Press<\/em>. 23 May 2023.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Laundry.” Poem of the Week, Sims Library of Poetry. 22 August 2023.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Nephology.” HAD<\/em>. 25 August 2023.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Feast Finder.” Points in Case<\/em>. 7 October 2023.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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2022<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

“Love in Exam Room C.” Miniskirt Magazine.<\/em> 14 February 2022.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Old Tony’s Sunday.” Maudlin House<\/em>. 18 April 2022.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“I Wish It Could Be the Year of the Quarter in My Pocket.” Erato Magazine<\/em>. 20 May 2022.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“A Reminder:” Erato Magazine<\/em>. 20 May 2022<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Microscopic.” Erato Magazine<\/em>. 20 May 2022.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“How the Girl Became a Poet.” Roi Fain\u00e9ant<\/em>. 2 June 2022.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Palm Springs.” Six Sentences<\/em>. 25 June 2022.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“October Baseball in Mississippi.” The Bluebird Word<\/em>. 26 June 2022.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“What Rests in the Background.” Red Ogre Review<\/em>. 1 July 2022.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“The Clearing.” Hidden Peak Press.<\/em> 1 July 2022.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Paul Newman’s U.S. Navy Jacket.” The Dillydoun Review<\/em>. 5 July 2022.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Party of Two.” Remmington Review<\/em>. 20 July 2022.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Rent the Moon.” Paddler Press<\/em>. 24 July 2022.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Remmy.” Rat World<\/em>, Volumes II, III, and IV. 25 July 2022.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Everything I Learned About Love I Learned From the Couple Across the Street.” Postscript Magazine<\/em>. 26 July 2022.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“There Are Always Blackberries, There is Always Sugar.” Rough Diamond Poetry<\/em>. 29 July 2022.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“I Found Tony Bennett’s Heart in San Francisco.” The San Franciscan<\/em>. 31 July 2022.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Warmer Water.” Flash Frog<\/em>. 1 August 2022.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Pork Chops.” The Dillydoun Review<\/em>. 9 August 2022.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Untitled, Because It Needs to Be Kept Secret.” Bending Genres<\/em>. 9 August 2022.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Extra Innings.” Free Flash Fiction<\/em>. 24 August 2022.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Classes.” The Dillydoun Review.<\/em> 14 September 2022.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Highway 111.” The McNeese Review.<\/em> 17 September 2022.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Ode to H20.” EcoTheo Collective.<\/em> 30 September 2022.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Reflections from A to Z.” Dirigible Balloon.<\/em> 6 October 2022.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Party of Three.” Five South.<\/em> 8 November 2022.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“A Touch of Tragedy.” Beyond Words.<\/em> 21 November 2022.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Will You?” MoonPark Review.<\/em> 21 December 2022.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“I Took a Trip.” Ran Off With the Star Bassoon.<\/em> 21 December 2022.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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2021<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

“Not Tonight.” Dash<\/em>. 28 May 2021. Print.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“the stillness of 3:28 a.m.” Dash<\/em>. 28 May 2021. Print.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Enough Already.” Connecticut River Review<\/em>. 10 August 2021. Print.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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2020<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

“The Things We Tell Ourselves.” Adelaide Magazine<\/em>. 20 January 2020. Print.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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2019<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

“Parole.” The Blue Mountain Review.<\/i> 2 August 2019.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“#LoveOfMyLife.” Y’all Magazine. <\/i>17 August 2019.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“You Want Something Vintage: Try Manners.” The Good Men Project<\/em>. 20 September 2019.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Books, Blurbs, & Curbing Boredom.” Sleet Magazine<\/em>. 10 December 2019.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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2018<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

“Jesus’s Yelp Review of Panda Express.” Forth Magazine.<\/em> 11 May 2018.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Quickenings.” The Coachella Review.<\/em> 10 June 2018.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“When Love Was a Story Worth Telling.” Adelaide Magazine.<\/em> 14 July 2018.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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2017<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

“February 1, 2007.” Past Ten<\/em>. 1 February 2017.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“The Man Called Charles Bukowski.” Popularium<\/em>. 8 February 2017.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Pangea.” The Rise Up Review. <\/em>10 February 2017.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“A Little off the Top.” Short Story America Volume V<\/em>. 25 February 2017.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Things That Bother Me.” Forth Magazine<\/em>. 13 March 2017.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“The Cadillac Lounge.” Forth Magazine. <\/em>13 March 2017.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“My Mother Is the Statue of Liberty.” Words Dance<\/em>. 4 July 2017.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Maybe Heaven’s a Mulligan.” Words Dance.<\/em> 12 August 2017.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Love for Fifty Bucks.” Popularium.<\/em> 20 August 2017.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Somewhere on Hollywood Boulevard.” Words Dance<\/em>. 11 September 2017.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“The Train’s Distant Whistle.” New World Review.<\/em> 29 September 2017.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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2016<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

“A Letter of Recommendation for Adolf Hitler to Attend Shakespeare Camp.\u201d Marco Polo<\/em>. 1 January 2016.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Mom, I Confess.” Chicago Literati<\/em>. 29 August 2016.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Online Dating.” Silenced Press. <\/em>28 September 2016.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Erasure Poem Created from Donald J. Trump’s The Art of the Deal<\/em>.” Pank Magazine.<\/em> 16 October 2016.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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2015<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

“The Father.” American Short Fiction Volume 13. <\/em>New Rivers Press. 3 January 2015. Print.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Bed and Breakfast.” Best Flash Fiction. <\/em>Fiction Attic Press. 12 January 2015.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Party of Two.” Saturday Evening Post<\/em>. 2 February 2015.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Picnic with a 90-Proof Mixer.” The Los Angeles Times<\/em>. 4 April 2015.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“La Jolla.” GWM<\/em>. Green Writers Press. 6 April 2015. Print.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Auld Lang Syne.” Riding Light<\/em>. 27 May 2015.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2014<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

“Fragile.” Connotation Press Magazine<\/em>. Connotation Press.  2 January 2014.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Just Numbers.” Cadence Collective<\/em>. 13 January 2014.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Pediddle.” Cadence Collective. 16 January 2014.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“On the Odometer.” Marco Polo Magazine<\/em>. 10 March 2014.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Days in Oil.” Painters and Poets<\/em>. 22 March 2014.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Love at Six.” The Saturday Evening Post. <\/em>22 May 2014.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Far Away Atoms.” Good Morning Justice<\/em>. Brine Books Publishing. 30 May 2014.  Print.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“But That Ain\u2019t True.” Cadence Collective<\/em>. 14 June 2014<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“A Poodle in the Desert.” Black Fox Magazine<\/em>. 10 October 2014.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“With a Stranger.” Puff Puff Prose, Poetry, and a Play. <\/em>12 December 2014. Print.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Miles and Miles.” The Great American Poetry Show. <\/em>TGAPS Press.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“From the Window.” Short Story America Volume IV<\/em>. SSA Press. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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2013<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOver the Bridge.\u201d Short Story America Volume III<\/em>.  Beaufort, South Carolina:
Short Story America Press, 2013. Print.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cDark Timber.\u201d Short Story America Volume III<\/em>.  Beaufort, South Carolina:
Short Story America Press, 2013. Print.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOne-Night Stand.\u201d Short Story America Volume III<\/em>.  Beaufort, South Carolina:
Short Story America Press, 2013. Print.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cTonight.\u201d Unrorean Poetry Broadsheet<\/em>. Encircle Publications. 25 January 2013.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cUntied Laces.\u201d Lost in Thought Magazine<\/em>. DD Press. 10 January 2013. Print.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cPeace in Rest.\u201d Chaffey Review<\/em>. Chaffey College Press. 2 March 2013. Print.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIf Bukowski Was My Pop.\u201d Yareah Magazine.<\/em> Moon Publishing. 8 April 2013.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cUnder the Influence.\u201d Yareah Magazine<\/em>. Moon Publishing. 20 April 2013.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cBourbon.\u201d Yareah Magazine<\/em>. Moon Publishing. 28 April 2013.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“When Men Wore Hats.” Ardor Literary Magazine. <\/em>12 May 2013.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Underneath the Varnish.” The Higgs Weldon<\/em>. 18 June 2013.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cBirds of Paradise.\u201d Santa Fe Literary Review<\/em>. Santa Fe College Press. 14 June<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Lullaby.” Ring Around the Rosy.<\/em> Luminox Press. 20 June 2013. Print.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNeighbors.\u201d RipRap Journal<\/em>. Long Beach State Press.  20 June 2013. Print.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cPuddle Jump.\u201d The<\/em> Feathertale Review<\/em>. Ontario Printing. 13 July 2013. Print.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cBaby Brandy.\u201d Sleet Magazine<\/em>. Sleet Press. 10 August 2013.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Graveyard Shift.” Ofi Press. <\/em>Ofi Mexico Press. 10 August 2013.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“A Day Like Today.” Pithead Chapel<\/em>. 10 October 2013.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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2012<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

\u201cDo You See the Big Dipper?\u201d Daily Love Magazine<\/em>. 11 June 2012.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cZorba\u2019s.\u201d Scissors and Spackle<\/em>. 20 June 2012.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cSomewhere.\u201d Cybersoleil Literary Journal<\/em>. 30 September 2012.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhat Nobody Knows.\u201d Cybersoleil Literary Journal<\/em>. 30 September 2012.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cGold Watch.\u201d Cybersoleil Literary Journal<\/em>. 30 September 2012.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI Didn\u2019t Think it Through.\u201d Cybersoleil Literary Journal<\/em>. 30 September 2012.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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2011<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

\u201cBlowing Out the Candles.\u201d Sleet Magazine<\/em>. 14 October 2011.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHit and Stay.\u201d Two Hawks Quarterly<\/em>. 20 October 2011.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cDissonance.\u201d Epiphany Magazine<\/em>. 15 December 2011.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Award-Winning Books Forest for the Trees & Other Stories Published in 2023 and Winner at the Paris Book Festival (formerly known as the Salon du Livre), Forest for the Trees & Other Stories delivers a diverse collection of fifteen short stories that perfectly captures characters steeped in their own troubles. Heaven and Other Zip Codes Published […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-96","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"yoast_head":"\nWritings | Mathieu Cailler<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/mathieucailler.com\/staging\/7173\/writings\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Writings | Mathieu Cailler\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Award-Winning Books Forest for the Trees & Other Stories Published in 2023 and Winner at the Paris Book Festival (formerly known as the Salon du Livre), Forest for the Trees & Other Stories delivers a diverse collection of fifteen short stories that perfectly captures characters steeped in their own troubles. 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